Beyond My Control?

This was a bad weak in terms of therapy and workouts. I think I only went to the gym once and didn't even do the exercises at home. This week was wall-to-wall meetings and Christmas parties. So naturally, none stop drinking as well.

Oh. I failed to mention that Dr. George also allowed me to have a few drinks already, provided that I keep it to a minimum and see to it that it doesn't aggravate the swelling in my knee. Well, so far the swelling has not come back so I've been having more drinks than I think George would allow me to have. At this time of the year, it's really beyond my control. Hahahaha

Tomorrow though, I promised myself I'd go back to my usual routine in the gym. And since the next week's workload will be relatively light, I can have more time for exercise. Of course, there will still be a lot of parties and therefore a lot of drinking. So, let's see which one is stronger, will power or temptation. I'll keep you posted...

Back On The Saddle

The past week, as expected, was another roller coaster ride of sorts. From the time of my last post, it took me three more days before I actually set foot on the gym. It wasn’t for lack of enthusiasm to go. This time, I was just so busy with work; it was impossible to squeeze it in. I was also probably the longest stretch, since I started therapy, that I’ve been without any form of workout or exercise. Paranoia started creeping in again such that I thought I was regressing without my usual drills.

Finally, on Saturday, Dec. 8, 2007, I walked back into the gym. The first person I saw was my friend and trainer, Joms. I showed him my battle scars from the operation and we discussed the program given by the clinic as well. I didn’t have a session with him though. I thought, I’d try to do the routine myself first and get a feel of things. I found the usual exercises a bit tougher since I was working with real weights now as resistance. But the drills were less than what I was asked to perform in the clinic so that allowed me to give it more effort. The funny part was that I still did 250 reps each on my leg presses and leg/hamstring curls only to find out that I was supposed perform just three 20 rep sets each. It’s funny now after the fact; but I guarantee you, I wasn’t smiling while I was doing it. My legs were really burning. In fact, I called the clinic the day after to ask my therapists if I was doing anything wrong. As they were correcting me, they thought I was crazy as they could probably imagine how I struggled but still forced myself to finish. Since then, I’ve gone back to the gym two more times. My routines are smoother now and I’m beginning to enjoy myself again. Today, Joms introduced an upper body workout routine as well. Now I’m looking at a full body workout!

I should mention though that the constant highlight is my lone cardio workout. I’ve mentioned in my past blog that I’m now allowed to use the stationary bike. It’s far from ridding on the road or even a spin class but right now it’s pure heaven for me. I miss biking (and running) so much that I really look forward to this part of my workout. In fact, it’s more a challenge for me controlling my brain to stop myself from pushing too hard. A lot of times I get the urge to speed up or increase the resistance. I constantly have to tell myself, “Stick to what’s allowed and be patient. You’ll get to that phase eventually.”

I’ve set a new goal to help me manage mindset. I tell myself, “The goal is to strengthen my knee further and not to work on building my fitness.” Not yet at least. hahahaha

But it really feels great being back in the gym. I feel it’s a big step forward. I’m back to things I’m used to doing. I’m back to seeing old friends as well.

Rollercoaster Emotions – December 5, 2007

Yesterday I was on Cloud 9!!! George finally gave me the GO signal to proceed with my gym workouts. Actually, there still are mandatory strengthening drills for my knees, ankles, and legs but at least it incorporates an aerobic workout (a stationary bike). I gave my “high-fives” and bid my goodbyes to everyone in the clinic. I will really miss them. I really owe them a lot.

I arrived home and announced to Mayi that I’m done with my clinic therapy sessions. I’m a “graduate”. “I’ll be in the gym first thing tomorrow”, I added. I guess she could see how excited I was. I really couldn’t wait ‘til the next morning.

This morning, as I woke up, I went through the usual routine of getting my boys up and ready for school. Lucas, with some effort, got up and proceeded to his room. Diego on the other hand took a little bit more time getting up. I thought he was just a bit lazier getting up with the gloomy weather this morning. Until he told Mayi and I that his leg really hurts. Apparently, it started to hurt just before he went to bed. This morning, he couldn’t walk and was limping really bad. It was so bad, he looked the way I looked just when I had my injury. I struggled trying to figure out what happened to him but he could not also tell me what caused it. Poor boy, I think I made him more nervous with all my questions. I was groping for an answer and never got one.

All of a sudden, I was tried. I wasn’t tired physically; I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. My enthusiasm for the gym disappeared just like that! Mayi was practically forcing me to go to the gym. I told her I couldn’t. I was just drained.

I really hate it when any of my kids are sick and I can’t do anything about it. I hate feeling helpless and I can’t fight back. I didn’t know how to react except to get frustrated and angry. I couldn’t help myself. Aside from not going to the gym, I pigged out on a very heavy breakfast to have some sort of outlet. It's so not me. I was being a brat. I knew I shouldn’t react that way but I couldn’t help myself. After a while, I said sorry to Mayi. I guess the stress I felt when Diego got sick a week and a half ago was still fresh in my mind.

I know that like all things, this too shall pass. I just wish that it passed quickly.

As for my enthusiasm for the gym, the next stage in my recovery? .........Tomorrow is a new day.