Beyond My Control?

This was a bad weak in terms of therapy and workouts. I think I only went to the gym once and didn't even do the exercises at home. This week was wall-to-wall meetings and Christmas parties. So naturally, none stop drinking as well.

Oh. I failed to mention that Dr. George also allowed me to have a few drinks already, provided that I keep it to a minimum and see to it that it doesn't aggravate the swelling in my knee. Well, so far the swelling has not come back so I've been having more drinks than I think George would allow me to have. At this time of the year, it's really beyond my control. Hahahaha

Tomorrow though, I promised myself I'd go back to my usual routine in the gym. And since the next week's workload will be relatively light, I can have more time for exercise. Of course, there will still be a lot of parties and therefore a lot of drinking. So, let's see which one is stronger, will power or temptation. I'll keep you posted...

Back On The Saddle

The past week, as expected, was another roller coaster ride of sorts. From the time of my last post, it took me three more days before I actually set foot on the gym. It wasn’t for lack of enthusiasm to go. This time, I was just so busy with work; it was impossible to squeeze it in. I was also probably the longest stretch, since I started therapy, that I’ve been without any form of workout or exercise. Paranoia started creeping in again such that I thought I was regressing without my usual drills.

Finally, on Saturday, Dec. 8, 2007, I walked back into the gym. The first person I saw was my friend and trainer, Joms. I showed him my battle scars from the operation and we discussed the program given by the clinic as well. I didn’t have a session with him though. I thought, I’d try to do the routine myself first and get a feel of things. I found the usual exercises a bit tougher since I was working with real weights now as resistance. But the drills were less than what I was asked to perform in the clinic so that allowed me to give it more effort. The funny part was that I still did 250 reps each on my leg presses and leg/hamstring curls only to find out that I was supposed perform just three 20 rep sets each. It’s funny now after the fact; but I guarantee you, I wasn’t smiling while I was doing it. My legs were really burning. In fact, I called the clinic the day after to ask my therapists if I was doing anything wrong. As they were correcting me, they thought I was crazy as they could probably imagine how I struggled but still forced myself to finish. Since then, I’ve gone back to the gym two more times. My routines are smoother now and I’m beginning to enjoy myself again. Today, Joms introduced an upper body workout routine as well. Now I’m looking at a full body workout!

I should mention though that the constant highlight is my lone cardio workout. I’ve mentioned in my past blog that I’m now allowed to use the stationary bike. It’s far from ridding on the road or even a spin class but right now it’s pure heaven for me. I miss biking (and running) so much that I really look forward to this part of my workout. In fact, it’s more a challenge for me controlling my brain to stop myself from pushing too hard. A lot of times I get the urge to speed up or increase the resistance. I constantly have to tell myself, “Stick to what’s allowed and be patient. You’ll get to that phase eventually.”

I’ve set a new goal to help me manage mindset. I tell myself, “The goal is to strengthen my knee further and not to work on building my fitness.” Not yet at least. hahahaha

But it really feels great being back in the gym. I feel it’s a big step forward. I’m back to things I’m used to doing. I’m back to seeing old friends as well.

Rollercoaster Emotions – December 5, 2007

Yesterday I was on Cloud 9!!! George finally gave me the GO signal to proceed with my gym workouts. Actually, there still are mandatory strengthening drills for my knees, ankles, and legs but at least it incorporates an aerobic workout (a stationary bike). I gave my “high-fives” and bid my goodbyes to everyone in the clinic. I will really miss them. I really owe them a lot.

I arrived home and announced to Mayi that I’m done with my clinic therapy sessions. I’m a “graduate”. “I’ll be in the gym first thing tomorrow”, I added. I guess she could see how excited I was. I really couldn’t wait ‘til the next morning.

This morning, as I woke up, I went through the usual routine of getting my boys up and ready for school. Lucas, with some effort, got up and proceeded to his room. Diego on the other hand took a little bit more time getting up. I thought he was just a bit lazier getting up with the gloomy weather this morning. Until he told Mayi and I that his leg really hurts. Apparently, it started to hurt just before he went to bed. This morning, he couldn’t walk and was limping really bad. It was so bad, he looked the way I looked just when I had my injury. I struggled trying to figure out what happened to him but he could not also tell me what caused it. Poor boy, I think I made him more nervous with all my questions. I was groping for an answer and never got one.

All of a sudden, I was tried. I wasn’t tired physically; I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. My enthusiasm for the gym disappeared just like that! Mayi was practically forcing me to go to the gym. I told her I couldn’t. I was just drained.

I really hate it when any of my kids are sick and I can’t do anything about it. I hate feeling helpless and I can’t fight back. I didn’t know how to react except to get frustrated and angry. I couldn’t help myself. Aside from not going to the gym, I pigged out on a very heavy breakfast to have some sort of outlet. It's so not me. I was being a brat. I knew I shouldn’t react that way but I couldn’t help myself. After a while, I said sorry to Mayi. I guess the stress I felt when Diego got sick a week and a half ago was still fresh in my mind.

I know that like all things, this too shall pass. I just wish that it passed quickly.

As for my enthusiasm for the gym, the next stage in my recovery? .........Tomorrow is a new day.

The Week That Passed

The past week went on as expected with daily therapy drills either done at home or in the clinic. In the clinic, Gimbo always looked to challenge me, which I really appreciated. It presented a new measure of progress by adding a degree of difficulty in some of my exercises. It also actually worked for me, as it was a good break from the monotony of the routines of my two-week extension.

I would still feel on and off pain especially when my knees are really tired. There is still a bit of swelling around my knee. And from time to time, stiffness in my knee and hamstrings would still bother me. This time though, I’ve come to accept that these are all part of the whole healing process. Plus in spite of this, I know that I go through my sessions with relative ease. And that for me is another sign of progress.

Complete Reversal

Wow! Yesterday, I did my drills with relative ease. My heel slides were easy and at certain points went beyond full ROM mark. I also went through with my other exercises with little difficulty. There was almost no feeling of stiffness other than the normal strain you feel when doing workouts. I was pleasantly surprised and feeling high.

I guess, just like running or biking, you go through good and bad days. I had a tough time days earlier, now it’s the complete opposite. So I figured, that should my mindset.

Just as Lance Armstrong said, “…Some days it hurts more than others. But it doesn’t mean I don’t do it. I deal with it…because not everything that is good for you, always feels good for you.”

Impatience Creeping In

Since starting on this two week extension, I’ve found myself struggling with a demon I know all too well…IMPATIENCE. It happens to me a lot specially when doing long runs. I get so impatient that I start breaking my pace and get unnecessarily exhausted. Then after my run, I think to myself, “that was stupid.”

Now, I’m only on my third day (of the two week goal) and already there’s a constant seesaw battle mentally and physically. There are moments when I feel I’m struggling do things I’ve been able to achieve so easily. For instance, my hamstrings seem so stiff that they are preventing me from reaching full range of motion (ROM) on my knee bends. I also noticed some swelling again and it’s driving me nuts. Plus, there are certain movements where I feel shooting pains on my knee. This feeling has disappeared a long time ago and now it’s back. It’s so frustrating!

Yesterday, I called the clinic and asked if I could do my therapy there. I knew I could do it at home. I did it the other day. But yesterday, I needed motivation or maybe I just needed company. Of course they were nice enough to accommodate me. Gimbo, patiently assisted me through the drills and although I struggled, I did everything really well. I was able to bounce back.

Today was bad again. Pain and swelling in my knee is back. My hamstrings feel so stiff again and so on. I’m beginning to feel that two weeks is so far away. I decided to just rest today and on hindsight am not even happy about that decision.

It’s difficult because I have no way of measuring any real progress because I’m able to do everything that’s needed. I just feel I’m stuck doing this boring routine until I finish the two weeks.

I’m going crazy. I know I need to refocus. But today, I just can’t. I just want to run or bike. Or I just want alcohol. Shit I can’t even have that. Oh well.

The Verdict (Part 2) – Nov 20, 2007

Today marks exactly one month since my operation. After 4 weeks of therapy, I was ready for the “next phase”. So I went to see Dr. George in his clinic today to get his GO signal. And the verdict was…too fast, too soon...two more weeks.

I did mention in my earlier post that there is a chance that George might just extend my sessions before allowing me to proceed with my gym workouts. That’s exactly what happened.

He explained to me that he wanted to give it two more weeks to ensure that my muscles and knee were strong to handle the workout regimen in the gym. He was concerned that I might push myself too hard, over do things, and injure myself all over again. I must say that George knows me too well and he’s absolutely right. I will push myself and push hard. Hey, that’s exactly what I was doing this past month. Oh well, as I said, he really knows best and I will follow everything he says to the dot.

So, with his instructions, my therapists gave me my program with slight variations on some of the exercises. By variations, I mean harder versions! Hahaha. I’m supposed to do these everyday in the house but I told my friends in the clinic not to be surprised if I pop-up and do it there some days. It’s nice having them around motivating you and laughing with you along the way.

So here I go. Not the “next phase” I wanted or expected but still a next phase. Two weeks, a new milestone.