Impatience Creeping In

Since starting on this two week extension, I’ve found myself struggling with a demon I know all too well…IMPATIENCE. It happens to me a lot specially when doing long runs. I get so impatient that I start breaking my pace and get unnecessarily exhausted. Then after my run, I think to myself, “that was stupid.”

Now, I’m only on my third day (of the two week goal) and already there’s a constant seesaw battle mentally and physically. There are moments when I feel I’m struggling do things I’ve been able to achieve so easily. For instance, my hamstrings seem so stiff that they are preventing me from reaching full range of motion (ROM) on my knee bends. I also noticed some swelling again and it’s driving me nuts. Plus, there are certain movements where I feel shooting pains on my knee. This feeling has disappeared a long time ago and now it’s back. It’s so frustrating!

Yesterday, I called the clinic and asked if I could do my therapy there. I knew I could do it at home. I did it the other day. But yesterday, I needed motivation or maybe I just needed company. Of course they were nice enough to accommodate me. Gimbo, patiently assisted me through the drills and although I struggled, I did everything really well. I was able to bounce back.

Today was bad again. Pain and swelling in my knee is back. My hamstrings feel so stiff again and so on. I’m beginning to feel that two weeks is so far away. I decided to just rest today and on hindsight am not even happy about that decision.

It’s difficult because I have no way of measuring any real progress because I’m able to do everything that’s needed. I just feel I’m stuck doing this boring routine until I finish the two weeks.

I’m going crazy. I know I need to refocus. But today, I just can’t. I just want to run or bike. Or I just want alcohol. Shit I can’t even have that. Oh well.